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I've been a little down lately. Nothing serious, more like something between frustrated, depressed and uncertain.

Frustrated because I haven't written in months, and it doesn't look like I'll soon start again, because college is eating up all my time and, especially, my energy.

Depressed because my course of studies (Philosophy and German), which is only sort of a compromise solution anyway because I didn't get the course that I really wanted (Creative Writing), turns out to be even more dull and useless than I expected. Especially German.

And uncertain because I don't know what to do now. Quit college? And then what - get a mini job? But where, and what? Or take a different course of studies? But what?

The problem is not that I don't know what I want. I know what I want: Become a writer, maybe a lector. Study Creative Writing. That's all. Seriously, am I asking too much?!

Life is so difficult sometimes :(



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 13th, 2013 10:20 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that you're down. I really understand the frustration. It's unbearable when you feel 'called' to do something, but you can't because you have to do other stuff that is much less fulfilling and takes up all your time.

Is it at all possible for you to drop German and use the time to study creative writing by yourself or online?
Nov. 13th, 2013 11:13 pm (UTC)
Exactly! And I don't know anyone who has the same problem, so I feel pretty alone...

But studying online sounds like a great idea! I'll do some research on that. Thank you! :)

(But I feel so bad because my parents paid so much already for my studies... oh damn...)
Nov. 14th, 2013 06:16 am (UTC)
Well, you know me! I have that problem. Actually, I think lots of people do. We have to earn money one way so that we can spend our free time another way. The problem is that sometimes there's not very much free time. And then we get some free time and, for some strange reason, we slow right down. I've always been a more prolific writer when I was super busy. I don't know why.

The Internet can be so distracting. If you've only got twenty minutes to write, do NOT check your email and Twitter etc. or your writing time will be gone in no time. Tell yourself you have to write 100 words first, then open your writing project in Word, and just do it. Do you have a writing project on the go right now?
Nov. 15th, 2013 07:56 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, I know that problem with the internet. I often disconnect my internet when I write so that I won't be tempted to waste my time online! And sometimes, even that doesn't stop me and I go online with my smartphone xD

I'm working on two writing projects at the moment - well one of them is already finished and I'm only reworking it. It's a story for young teenage girls, with horses, magic, first love and stuff xD
And the book I'm actually writing right now is kind of a dark mystery-urban fantasy-story for older teenagers and adults.

I hope I'll have some writing time today. Originally I wanted to finish both stories this year, but I'm not sure anymore if I'll manage that...

How is Justice doing, by the way? :)
Nov. 15th, 2013 09:04 pm (UTC)
What usually happens to me when I'm writing sans Internet is that I'll need to research something, so I have to go on the Internet to check it, then I need to record/save my source, so I open my gmail so that I can leave the new info in a draft for easy latere retrieval, then I notice that I have a few new emails... and then suddenly it's time to go back to work! *Sigh*

My second-favorite Starbucks, which is not downtown, but in my home neighborhood, is a great place to write because it has such incredibly crappy Internet service that it's impossible for anyone to even get online, let alone waste their time on the Internet. If I'm lucky, I get to check one email before the Internet connection dies. Then even if I want to research, I can't and I have to pepper my draft with "MEMO: Check XYZ' etc.

Justice Chapter 33 is actually too big thanks to another burst of writing last night, so now I have to figure out where to cut it. Also I realized I had Ryo going just a little bit OOC in a way that he wouldn't at this point in his life, so I need to go tone that down a bit. I put in requests to the betas and they'll probably get back to me today or tonight to let me know their availability.

Your two stories sound interesting especially the dark urban fantasy one! Are they going to be full length novels or novellas? Are you keeping track of your word count?
Nov. 19th, 2013 09:53 pm (UTC)
I often do that too... or I spend hours on research, although I don't even need that much information, but it's always so interesting that I can't stop xD

Internet-free places are awesome! We have one in the basement of the university. At first I wanted to get myself a password to use the wireless LAN there, but then I thought that if I had internet there, I would spend my time online instead of doing something productive. So I didn't get one, and tada - it works, I'm writing again! :D

Wow, the chapter is already done?! That's great, great news!! And when you talk about Ryo going a little OOC - might I start looking forward to a lemon, perhaps? ;D Well, anyways, I can't wait to read the next chapter, no matter if it's citrussy or not.

Well the horse story is kind of a short novel (about 200 pages), the right length for young teenagers ;D I don't know yet how long the other one will get, I'm at about 150 pages now (yeah I alway count the pages rather than words ^^ ). Maybe 500 pages... I don't know yet. Usually, when I try to make a guess how much longer a story will get, it gets much, much longer than that xD
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )